Enyeama For President

In the Light of recent calamities that has befallen our dear Nation, we the concerned citizens hereby Kick off the Political Campaign of a man that has been tried, tested and found to remain True.

A dependable son of the soil, a patriotic stopper of all misfortunes fired at our dear nation, without further ado, I present to you

The Campaign Train is coming to a city Near you. We will be touring the 6 Geopolitical Zones in the coming months with Town Hall Meetings in London, New York, Johannesburg and Beijing .

WATCHOUT!!!

How to get a Nigerian Passport

“  So you call yourself a Nigerian abi? “

” ehn? “

” Oya show me valid identification !!! “

” ……and I dont mean that fake driver’s license that you got for N3500, I mean show me your passport my friend !!! “

I recently went on a fact finding mission to find out all the different ways you can get a Naija Passport and I have put it in this little Nigerian-Passport-How-To for you

*** Warning***Disclaimer***  This is no official guide and so please use your common sense and proceed at your own risk. All characters in this How-to are fictional any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental

HOW TO GET A NIGERIAN PASSPORT- (official style)

1. Visit the Nigerian Immigration Office website
2. Fill out the necessary application forms
3. Print out you confirmation
4. Search for you Application and get your Appointment date.
5. Go to your chosen passport office for interview and Data capture with all relevant documents
6. Collect your receipt and collection date
7. Come back on the collection date and collect your passport
8. The end

Now i must make a note that since the Nigerian Immigration service launched their online payment and registration, the Passport collection and renewal process has become efficient and if you follow the instructions, you will get the promised result. Simple and Straight forward

As you also know, this is Naija and we have the express for everything……………

HOW TO GET A NIGERIAN PASSPORT – (express style)

1. Dig up your Black book of contact’s and get Mr Kamoru’s number. ( Kamoru is the man who know how to get you anything ranging from bringing in a duty-free car from Cotonou, retrieving you from a Police Station to Army recruit mercenaries for Hire, that kind of guy   )
2. Give Kamoru a call and tell him that you want to obtain or renew your International Passport.
3. Mr Kamoru will then inform you that the Fee’s for Express Service is  N 20,000 (which you can negotiate to 19k)
4. You will then Proceed to give Mr Kamoru your details : NAMES, DATE OF BIRTH, PLACE OF BIRTH, ADDRESS, NEXT OF KIN, PHONE NUMBER, EMAIL ADDRESS as well as the N19,000
5. Assuming that you gave Kamoru the details early in the Morning, you should get a call at around 2:30 pm later that afternoon from him telling you to come immediately to the passport office to take your Picture. – NB: The Nigerian Immigration system has become quite an efficient system and you will have to come in person to the passport office to be snapped no matter how BIG or important you are, you might just not wait as long as the ordinary citizen but you will have to be there
6. Now this is the trickiest part and you will have to summon ” mind ” for this part. When you get to the passport office, you will see a lot of people sitting and waiting for their names to be called, they will then proceed to the holding area and wait for their turn to enter into the Biometric Capture room from where they will proceed in a holding pattern until they get to the front row and their names are called for their photographs. If this is the route you take, you will notice that some people keep coming in and out of the exit, get their Biometrics captured immediately and exit before you know it          Kamoru will meet you outside the passport office with your file,which by now is full of completed applications  with payment records in your name and some funny guy claiming to be your guarantor declaring N800,000 as collateral for you. Don’t be surprised  if Kamoru refuses to enter the premises with you, he’s most likely been blacklisted by the Immigration Police and risks being arrested Now is the time for some Award winning Nollywood Acting.
7. You take your File, look sharp and confident, wait for the opportune moment and walk straight into the Data capture room and directly to the official described to you by Kamoru. Tell him your name and say ” you said that i can come in now sir ” he’s going to give you a puzzled look, collect your file and tell you to move back. This is the time when you bring out your phone and receive an important call. The official will call your name next, collect your data and you will be out of there before you know it.
8. The next evening you will get a call from Kamoru again telling you that your passport is ready and that you go to the collection center and call him when you get there. After giving him a call, your name will ” miraculously ” be called with the next batch of passports and you will be out of there in 20 minutes

HOW TO GET A NIGERIAN PASSPORT – (no stress)

The final option in this series and the one with the least stress ( unless you are a BIG man of course) is to:

1. Become a BIG man – Assume political office, sponsor political aspirants, get a political appointment, become a God Father, have a lot of money etc
2. Enroll in the Nigerian Immigration Service
3. Marry an Immigration Official
4. Be Related to an Immigration Official- as you know, Nepotism is ingrained in our DNA and so being related to an Immigration official will work every time.

Links:  Nigerian Immigration Service

Dbanj is so Endowed

Dbanj’s new single “Mr Endowed” from his upcoming album has just been released and it’s not sounding bad at all.

It’s another attestation to the abilities of Don Jazzy and the great synergy between him and Dbanj. The track comprises of carefully structured “swagger-lyrics” and catch phrases laid on a brilliantly executed track.

The real seller in this track for me is the courage that DonJazzy and the MoHits guys seem to have, which allow’s them to continually step out of their comfort zone to experiment and churn out new tunes. The mix of Techno with pop, laced with some trance synthesizers, some conga’s, percussion snare, eerie male choral sections and a pint of some Don Jazzy Magic used in the track seem to come together in a neat way.

Here’s Dbanj in Mr Endowed.

Gone too soon ———— DaGRIN RIP

The first time I heard Dagrin was on the track Efi Mile which he did with YQ. I remember calling up a friend to find out if he had heard this new guy who sounded like lil’wayne, punched up with some ajasa flavor, laced with some snoop smoothness and finally sprinkled with some DMX edginess. Classifying him back them was not an easy task as there was an endless list of comparisons but that was all they were, comparisons. It did not take long for us to realize that this new kid wasn’t kidding around at all, he meant business and was here to stay. After a repertoire of collabo’s such as Turn Me Around, he became one of the latest upcoming artistes in the Nigerian hip-hop scene

DaGrin, born Olayitan Olanipekun Oladapo, came into the game when “indigenous” Hip-Hop artistes (artistes who were rapping in indigenous languages) were getting no love from marketers and promoters at Alaba. His predecessors, Dat Nigga Raw, Lord of Ajasa had battled for some time to get indigenous rap accepted and it seemed that what was needed was just a highly successful indigenous rap album to break the jinx. DaGrin’s debut album CEO was one of the most highly anticipated albums to hit the streets leaving in its wake a new found respect for the indigenous rapper. DaGrin broke down new barriers and limitations to hip-hop in Nigeria and it was now certain that the sky was the limit.

It was a therefore a great shock when I overheard my brother on the phone receiving the news of his ghastly motor accident from a friend and just a couple of days later, twitter and facebook updates heralded his departure from mortality to immortality after a brief battle with his injuries. We indeed lost a rare gem, and are now left alone to contemplate what could have been.

From me and millions of your fans and well wishers we say Adieu to the Chief Executive OmoIta.

May your soul rest in perfect peace.

Links:

Dagrin on Facebook listen to Ghetto Dream

back again

It has been a while since i updated my blog,

ehh is not my fault, as the Yoruba will say, “omi lo po joka lo” which simply means : It was the original and earnest intention of the Amala to be a desirable lump of black fluffy goodness had it not been for that darn water that was too much

There’s been more posts said than done ( you get what i mean right? )

So what have i been up to lately?

Well I just completed the last US PGA Masters as one of the distinguished virtual patrons and yes!!! I rooted for Tiger all the way even though the lords of the green will have it otherwise.

I’ve also been fully engrossed in the new circus show in town tagged NIGERIA . I’m actually blogging from one of the concession stands here at the venue while on a lunch break and i’ll soon go back in to join the 140 million strong follower-ship of this charade.

I’ll see you on the other side.